How it started…
When I sit and reflect about my evolution as an entrepreneur and how I have transformed as a woman, I can’t say there was a time I consciously put myself “last”. As a matter of fact, that is why the “Self-Love” campaigns didn’t land the same.
I was taking great care of myself, and life was full of things and people I loved. I didn’t equate exhaustion and overcommitting to a lack of self-love or self-care back then. Neither did I equate having a short fuse or juggling a million balls as a lack of self-care or self-love.
I was managing the life I had been given to the best of my ability. Yes, the life I was “given Hmmmm….. not the life I chose? Not the life I consciously and subconsciously created?? The perspective is what changes things. So, had I chosen exhaustion??? Now that was something I had to sit on.
Why were my dreams and ideas left dormant while I showed up and gave 10000% every day? Were my accolades and accomplishments truly enough at the end of each year? If so, why was I left with personal goals and dreams that still needed my commitment and my attention?
These are questions that I needed to answer truthfully in order to begin a massive shift in my life. Hand me any project for anyone else and it would be completed to the best of my ability. Hand me my own and I couldn’t seem to find enough time to commit to it fully. You know what I mean? It’s one thing to do it and get it done, it’s another thing to truly give your all. As a matter of fact, my first trip to the Grand Canyon was humbling to say the least. God whispered to me—"You have not caught up with yourself. You need to pause and become your own project”. This was exactly 10 years ago this summer. I made a promise and after that visit the journey became intentional. God sent powerful guides along the way. Ms. Winfrey was one. OWN: Oprah Winfrey Network had just launched the same year. I was binge watching it. I needed all the life classes and hard Iyanla Vanzant conversations I could get. The tools were equipping me with a new approach to hard conversations. I was grateful.
I began tweeting so much that the Own TV social team and Oprah Winfrey herself started to engage with me. I love how organic the interaction was and even after meeting the team in person, I could see why God had chosen them to lead such a powerful movement. One day after one of the shows, Ms. Winfrey followed me. It was one of the most emotional days. I literally fell out when this happened!!! I screamed! I didn’t believe we were actually connected. I almost convinced myself it was an intern on her team. I had to take a chance, write her just to see if this was real. In less than a week, she responded. My heart was so happy.
The other beautiful own ambassadors welcomed me into the circle as I had been tweeting daily out of extreme need not social connection. I was fragile. Thankfully, I was invited to an intimate gratitude lunch with Ms. Winfrey, the team, and ambassadors. I could not believe I was scheduled to meet Oprah Winfrey face to face. Not bump into Ms. Winfrey or I just happen to be in the room, but a divine appointment. OMG!!! It seemed like God knew that the valley season I was approaching would take me so low emotionally that I would need lots of support at every turn. He knew exactly who and what resources to send.
Listening to Oprah speak at the lunch was indescribable. She was beautiful as on TV and she was just as inviting and relatable. What I appreciated most was her willingness to be vulnerable and share how hard being a full-time entrepreneur was; especially launching a network. She compared it to climbing in Mount Kilimanjaro with no shoes. Some of the same people she supported turned their backs on her when they thought she wouldn’t succeed. I felt the pain in her voice. Some people think money fixes all problems. It definitely helps but we can never escape our thoughts and emotions. Especially when we are hurt by those closest to us.
She came around and sat right next to me. I was speechless. Ms. Winfrey is really right here chatting it up. I giggle as I think back. It was the greatest dream come true. Gayle and I both had on red dresses and she gave a shout out from the stage. I felt like I was with family. Watching Maya Watson managing things in excellence inspired me to always surround myself with genuine people who operate in excellence. Life back home was changing by the day and this was just the experience I needed to know that God was in control.
Fast forward - I’m in the valley---like deep in the valley. I had sold my store, moved to another area, separated from my spouse, and I was seeking God on the deepest level. I remember crying in my car and a notification came through. It was Elizabeth. She asked if I wanted VIP tickets to Oprah Winfrey, The Life You Want Tour. Her mom wasn’t doing well and she didn’t think it was a good idea for her to attend. God wanted me there. I literally had floor seats next to the right side of the stage. When Ms. Winfrey opened the event and walked out, she saw me sitting there and said T!!! She definitely knows how to connect in such a genuine way. I try my best to do that even now because it feels great to be seen and to feel like someone genuinely cares that you chose to be there. I don’t take that for granted.
We did an exercise so powerful that night I made some life changing decisions. The life you want-map it out. We did just that. I handed Amy a handmade card for Ms. Winfrey of her and Dr. Maya Angelou. I saw a double rainbow when I left the venue. Tears starting falling. I knew that life was changing. Yes, it was scary, but I was facing the hard truth. The true reasons I made the decision that I made; the true reasons I chose the partner I chose at the time; the real reasons I chose the career, pledged, chose the friends, life, and everything was right before my eyes. It was just a major time of introspection. Some decisions I was proud of while some I was not. Then there were some I regretted and some I was grateful for.
The BIG question was, so now what? You have the life you’ve created. So, is this the life you want? God had used Oprah to bring this question to my lap. The next few years were excruciating to say the least, but now I look back and relate it to open heart surgery. Live with the disease and let it spread or face it all and surrender to the work?
The hardest decision you will ever make is likely the one that will change your life in ways unimaginable.